formulating a plan of attack.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Saturday, June 23, 2007
my day in pictures...
I'm tired and hungry
and angry with the government!
Two of those things could be
cured right now.... only I'm too frustrated to eat or sleep! *growl*
Friday, June 22, 2007
Art Class
Today I taught an Art class in Iron River School (for Nikki's class). I love it, it's always fun and a good ego boost. So thanks for that... It came at a good time because I feel so stressed and frustrated and tired and this was a day away from all that. I would elaborate but it would only make more more tired and frustrated leading to added stress and I just can't - not here, not now. If you really care to know email me and we'll chat :D
Loves, Grace
P.S. This white ninja happens to be a fairly accurate representation of what went down - I of course am white ninja :D
Thursday, June 21, 2007
German Phrases of the Day
He smokes like a chimney.
Er raucht wie ein Schlot.
air rowKt vee in shlot
Where can we go for ballroom dancing?
Wo konnen wir zu einem Tanzabend gehen?
vo kurnen veer tsOO inem tantsahbent gayen?
Monday, June 18, 2007
For those that are interested...
I've added a load more wedding pictures to Dan and Joys Wedding blog.
Feel free to peruse at you leisure!
Feel free to peruse at you leisure!
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Democracy, theocracy and a lesson in love...
Don't you love it when you read something that you have never thought about before. Something that never even crossed your mind before, but makes absolute sense the first time you read it, and you wonder why it has never crossed your mind before?? That's just what reading Fern Seed and Elephants (by C.S. Lewis) is like for me. I don't know why I never read it before. It's a small book of essays, but with a lot to chew on.
Here's a couple excerpts from the essay on membership...
"I believe in political equality. But there are two opposite reasons for being a democrat. You may think all men so good that they deserve a share in the government of the commnwealth, and so wise that the commonwealth needs their advice. That is, in my opinion the false, romantic doctrine of democracy. On the other hand, you may believe fallen men to be so wicked that not one of them can be trusted with any irresponsible power over his fellows.
That I believe to be the true ground of democracy. I do not believe God created an eglitarian world. I believe the authority of a parent over a child, husband over wife, learned over simple, to have been as much a part of the original plan as the authority of man over beast.
I believe that if we had not fallen Filmer would be right, and partiarchal monarchy would be the sole lawful government. But since we have learned sin, we have found, as Lord Acton says, that 'all power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.' The only remedy has been to take away the powers and substitute a legal fiction of equality. The authority of father and husband has been rightly abolished on the legal plane, not because this authority is in itself bad (on the contrary, it is, I hold, divine in origin) but because fathers and husbands are bad. Theocracy has been rightly abolished not because it is bad that learned priests should govern ignorant layman, but because priests are wicked men like the rest of us. Even the authority of man over beast has had to be interfered with because it is constantly abused.
Equality is for me in the same position as clothes. It is a result of the Fall and the remedy for it.....
It is idle to say that men are of equal value. If value is taken in a worldly sense - if we mean that all men are equally useful or beautiful or good or entertaining - then it is nonsense. If it means that all are of equal value as immoral souls then I think it conceals a dangerous error. The infinite value of each human soul is not a Christian doctrine. God did not die for man because of some value He perceived in him. The value of each human soul considered simply in itself, out of relation to God, is zero. As Paul himself writes, to have died for valuable men would not have been divine, but merely heroic; but God died for sinners. He loved us not because we were lovable, but because He is Love. It may be that He loves all equally - he certainly loved all to death - and I am not certain what the expression means. If there is equality it is in His love, not in us.
Equality is a quantative term and therefore love often knows nothing of it....
As democracy becomes more complete in the outer world and opportunities for reverence are successively removed, the refreshment, the cleansing, and invigorating returns to inequality, which the Church offers us become more and more necessary."
Maybe this is why we struggle to really know God.. to trust Him. we are so bound by the ideals of democracy that we haven't learnt reverence. Because we lack reverence we bring God down to our level... and how can someone on my plane work miracles?? I don't trust God because I don't know Him. to know Him I must search out the truth about Him and seperate that from the god I know who is covered by the culture that I know and am a part of.
Here's a couple excerpts from the essay on membership...
"I believe in political equality. But there are two opposite reasons for being a democrat. You may think all men so good that they deserve a share in the government of the commnwealth, and so wise that the commonwealth needs their advice. That is, in my opinion the false, romantic doctrine of democracy. On the other hand, you may believe fallen men to be so wicked that not one of them can be trusted with any irresponsible power over his fellows.
That I believe to be the true ground of democracy. I do not believe God created an eglitarian world. I believe the authority of a parent over a child, husband over wife, learned over simple, to have been as much a part of the original plan as the authority of man over beast.
I believe that if we had not fallen Filmer would be right, and partiarchal monarchy would be the sole lawful government. But since we have learned sin, we have found, as Lord Acton says, that 'all power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.' The only remedy has been to take away the powers and substitute a legal fiction of equality. The authority of father and husband has been rightly abolished on the legal plane, not because this authority is in itself bad (on the contrary, it is, I hold, divine in origin) but because fathers and husbands are bad. Theocracy has been rightly abolished not because it is bad that learned priests should govern ignorant layman, but because priests are wicked men like the rest of us. Even the authority of man over beast has had to be interfered with because it is constantly abused.
Equality is for me in the same position as clothes. It is a result of the Fall and the remedy for it.....
It is idle to say that men are of equal value. If value is taken in a worldly sense - if we mean that all men are equally useful or beautiful or good or entertaining - then it is nonsense. If it means that all are of equal value as immoral souls then I think it conceals a dangerous error. The infinite value of each human soul is not a Christian doctrine. God did not die for man because of some value He perceived in him. The value of each human soul considered simply in itself, out of relation to God, is zero. As Paul himself writes, to have died for valuable men would not have been divine, but merely heroic; but God died for sinners. He loved us not because we were lovable, but because He is Love. It may be that He loves all equally - he certainly loved all to death - and I am not certain what the expression means. If there is equality it is in His love, not in us.
Equality is a quantative term and therefore love often knows nothing of it....
As democracy becomes more complete in the outer world and opportunities for reverence are successively removed, the refreshment, the cleansing, and invigorating returns to inequality, which the Church offers us become more and more necessary."
Maybe this is why we struggle to really know God.. to trust Him. we are so bound by the ideals of democracy that we haven't learnt reverence. Because we lack reverence we bring God down to our level... and how can someone on my plane work miracles?? I don't trust God because I don't know Him. to know Him I must search out the truth about Him and seperate that from the god I know who is covered by the culture that I know and am a part of.
Friday, June 08, 2007
3am ramblings...
I was reading "The Growing Up Pains of Adrian Plass" (by Adrian Plass). I love his writing because I flatter myself that we are very similar types of people, he writes of themes and in ways that I would like to or have written about myself.
So last night when I wasn't sleeping (as per usual) I was reading about Adrians struggle with vulnerability which mirrors my own... here's what he had to say.
On the following Wednesday night I described this event to Company* viewers, pointing out how vulnerable I had felt when Ian first asked me to take the service. I had feared failure of some kind, failure to deliver the Christian 'goods', failure to make the ven memorable and meaningful, failure as well, if I'm honest to impress. It occurred to me after the programme was finished that I was still playing games about honesty and openness. I had often said to people that I was quite happy to lay myself open at the Company table; to be truly vulnerable;but was I really? Later as I settled comfotably back into my seat on the southbound train from Victoria, I frowned thropugh the murky glass of the window and conducted an inner dialogue with myself.
* (company was a religious program on a local television station that lasted about 15 mins on Wednesday evenings)
'What do you mean when you say I'm not vulnerable on Company? I've just told goodness knows how many people about my rotten selfish feelings when Ian asked me to...'
'Ah yes. So you hvae. Did you tell Ian that at the time?'
'Well, no - but...'
'And isn't it a fact that you rather enjoy running yourself down about things that have already happened? It makes you feel good, and it protects you from real criticism.'
'Well...'
'Doesn't it?'
'I suppose so - but, look. What about the way I've talked about the arguments and problems Bridget and I sometimes have. That's real enough.'
My internal inquisitorchuckled. 'Oh, yes. I know what you mean. You mean when you and she sit there full of confidence and looking crackers about each other, and talk about the terrible problems you have.'
'But we do have problems! Surely it must be worthwhile to talk about things like that."
'Oh, yes. I've no doubt it is. But that's not what we're taliing about. We're talking about your claim that you're vulnerable sometimes. let me ask you a question.'
'Yes?'
'Has it ever cost you anything, mentally or emotionally to say the things you say around that kitchen table?'
East Crydon flashed by. I sighed.
'No it hasn't'
"Aren't you actually determined not to show your real feelings to anybody, let alone television cameras?'
I inadvertently vocalised the irritable 'Yes!' with which I answered this question, slightly shocking a precise looking elderly lady on the other side of the carriage. Perhaps she thought that I was practising being positive.
VULNERABILITY!! It's such a struggle to show love to others by being vulnerable with them. I think because there seems to be a fine line between those that are able to be vulnerable and those that pour out in an obsessive way all their insecurities and vulnerabilities to anyone and everyone that will listen without a desire to be helped. Only wanting pity and sympathy. Feeling used by these type of people is the very reason I struggle with vulnerability. Pride doesn't let me be vulnerable for fear of being numbered amoung them.
Still last night convicted by these chapters... I wrote out some of my vulnerabilites.... for all to see :D
... The truth of the matter is... I'm not sure where I should be. I can say the right things and I can tell myself that presently I am a product of my circumstances. That there are things in my life keeping me from moving forward into the 'more' that God offers. The 'abundant life' I'm so happy to talk about but often times afraid to live.
It is true that there are circumstances that presently keep me from the future I assume God has marked out for me... but it is only true in part.
There is a more even in the waiting, an abundant life that I in my sulky childish way have refused.
It seems like for months now I have been more than content to offer God the bare minimum of myself, my time, my thought life, my energy, my prayers. Almost a "tit for tat' measure. Because I feel a bit like God has been witholding, I hold back with Him.
Because of this the time in the Waiting Room (as I like to call it) has not been so unlike times I have sat in hospital waiting rooms. Hands to myself so as not to pick up any germs. Eyes downcast so that I don't meet the gaze of others who like myself are wondering and imagining what everyone is is in for. Occasionally glancing at charts and posters on the wall that remind of the hazards of various foibles, that gladly I don't count myself a part of... Drunkeness, Smoking, Gluttony, etc.
I remain, sat there, sefl involved and applauding mysefl for not being the person those posters are aimed at Thinking proudly of what I haven't done, rather than shamedly at what I should be doing. Trying all the while to push back the fear that when I finally get in to see the doctor he will somehow find something very wrong with me and possibly fatal that I hadn't realized.
I'm sure you can see the connection... Instead of actively pursuing God, pursuing life... I wait self involved and fearful that the future that I hope for will be snatched away and I'll be told that I am in fact quite a hopeless case. Miserable. And I have been miserable. And it has been my own fault. My own selfish, childish, sulky self, throwing rocks at the gates of heaven... trying to get God to pay attention to me and give me the life I think I deserve because somewhere along the line I felt he was leading me in that direction.
Silly... I'm a silly girl who God in His mercy loves very much!
So last night when I wasn't sleeping (as per usual) I was reading about Adrians struggle with vulnerability which mirrors my own... here's what he had to say.
On the following Wednesday night I described this event to Company* viewers, pointing out how vulnerable I had felt when Ian first asked me to take the service. I had feared failure of some kind, failure to deliver the Christian 'goods', failure to make the ven memorable and meaningful, failure as well, if I'm honest to impress. It occurred to me after the programme was finished that I was still playing games about honesty and openness. I had often said to people that I was quite happy to lay myself open at the Company table; to be truly vulnerable;but was I really? Later as I settled comfotably back into my seat on the southbound train from Victoria, I frowned thropugh the murky glass of the window and conducted an inner dialogue with myself.
* (company was a religious program on a local television station that lasted about 15 mins on Wednesday evenings)
'What do you mean when you say I'm not vulnerable on Company? I've just told goodness knows how many people about my rotten selfish feelings when Ian asked me to...'
'Ah yes. So you hvae. Did you tell Ian that at the time?'
'Well, no - but...'
'And isn't it a fact that you rather enjoy running yourself down about things that have already happened? It makes you feel good, and it protects you from real criticism.'
'Well...'
'Doesn't it?'
'I suppose so - but, look. What about the way I've talked about the arguments and problems Bridget and I sometimes have. That's real enough.'
My internal inquisitorchuckled. 'Oh, yes. I know what you mean. You mean when you and she sit there full of confidence and looking crackers about each other, and talk about the terrible problems you have.'
'But we do have problems! Surely it must be worthwhile to talk about things like that."
'Oh, yes. I've no doubt it is. But that's not what we're taliing about. We're talking about your claim that you're vulnerable sometimes. let me ask you a question.'
'Yes?'
'Has it ever cost you anything, mentally or emotionally to say the things you say around that kitchen table?'
East Crydon flashed by. I sighed.
'No it hasn't'
"Aren't you actually determined not to show your real feelings to anybody, let alone television cameras?'
I inadvertently vocalised the irritable 'Yes!' with which I answered this question, slightly shocking a precise looking elderly lady on the other side of the carriage. Perhaps she thought that I was practising being positive.
VULNERABILITY!! It's such a struggle to show love to others by being vulnerable with them. I think because there seems to be a fine line between those that are able to be vulnerable and those that pour out in an obsessive way all their insecurities and vulnerabilities to anyone and everyone that will listen without a desire to be helped. Only wanting pity and sympathy. Feeling used by these type of people is the very reason I struggle with vulnerability. Pride doesn't let me be vulnerable for fear of being numbered amoung them.
Still last night convicted by these chapters... I wrote out some of my vulnerabilites.... for all to see :D
... The truth of the matter is... I'm not sure where I should be. I can say the right things and I can tell myself that presently I am a product of my circumstances. That there are things in my life keeping me from moving forward into the 'more' that God offers. The 'abundant life' I'm so happy to talk about but often times afraid to live.
It is true that there are circumstances that presently keep me from the future I assume God has marked out for me... but it is only true in part.
There is a more even in the waiting, an abundant life that I in my sulky childish way have refused.
It seems like for months now I have been more than content to offer God the bare minimum of myself, my time, my thought life, my energy, my prayers. Almost a "tit for tat' measure. Because I feel a bit like God has been witholding, I hold back with Him.
Because of this the time in the Waiting Room (as I like to call it) has not been so unlike times I have sat in hospital waiting rooms. Hands to myself so as not to pick up any germs. Eyes downcast so that I don't meet the gaze of others who like myself are wondering and imagining what everyone is is in for. Occasionally glancing at charts and posters on the wall that remind of the hazards of various foibles, that gladly I don't count myself a part of... Drunkeness, Smoking, Gluttony, etc.
I remain, sat there, sefl involved and applauding mysefl for not being the person those posters are aimed at Thinking proudly of what I haven't done, rather than shamedly at what I should be doing. Trying all the while to push back the fear that when I finally get in to see the doctor he will somehow find something very wrong with me and possibly fatal that I hadn't realized.
I'm sure you can see the connection... Instead of actively pursuing God, pursuing life... I wait self involved and fearful that the future that I hope for will be snatched away and I'll be told that I am in fact quite a hopeless case. Miserable. And I have been miserable. And it has been my own fault. My own selfish, childish, sulky self, throwing rocks at the gates of heaven... trying to get God to pay attention to me and give me the life I think I deserve because somewhere along the line I felt he was leading me in that direction.
Silly... I'm a silly girl who God in His mercy loves very much!
Friday, June 01, 2007
know what's nice...
singing as loud and as boisterously as you can in a group of friendlies.... true story
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