Back to the Start - Happy Christmas

Many Blessings this year and in the one that is just about to begin! I know God has big plans for you this year - I pray that you can recognize his hand and his pruposes in them :D and the same goes double for me :D

MY favorite things episode

There's something about making a list, and checking it several times...it's one of my favorite things to do, especially at Christmas time, when in the spirit of giving I attempt to introduce friends and family to some of my favorite things. Since I am not rich enough (financially) to get everyone the things I would like to - just like Oprah I plan to give you some of my favorite things in this blog episode.

The first favorite thing isn't so much a thing, but a situation...

I really Love lighting some candles, putting on some Christmas music, laying a tartan blanket out on the floor and enjoying some of the lovely German treats I encourage my German friends to send me, whenever possible.

next on my list... and speaking of German treats. Lebkuchen, I can't even tell you... this spicy little lovecake is the scent of the holidays.

Ah yes, the scent of the holidays...Fruits and Passions has this soap and hand cream combo that not only leaves your hands soft and smooth, but also smelling of cinnamon and cloves, a warm spiciness.

And now we're talking about warm and spicy. Long Underwear! How would I get by without it. The school where I work is always on the chilly side and I day without long underwear is like a day with hypothermia... Yep, long underwear keeps things a very pleasant WARM. Oh and the new style of ear warmers...no hat hair but warm ears, how can you go wrong.

mmm...warm....

On the occasion when long underwear just feels a little too bulky, well my next favorite thing saves the day. Leg warmers... really... I wouldn't say I'm young enough to wear them like I did as a child, but I often wear them under my jeans... keeping my legs warm without adding any bulk around the midsection - and I know of no one who wants to add a little bulk around the mid section, so let me suggest to you - the leg warmer :D

Another fashion accessorie that I have recently become a HUGE fan of is the Espe collection of purses and wallets. They are so cute, but in a slightly older way I think, with some Japanese

influences...we all know how trendy are the Japanese, right Gwen Stefani?

Also, are you familiar with the Samaritan's Purse gift catalog? It's perfect for the person who has everything. In their name, you can give to someone who has very little. Goats, chickens, agricultural packs, warm clothing..and so much more. And then the person who has everything will get a lovely little tax deduction....and let's face it, if they really do have everything they could probably use the deduction, am I right?

There are so many other things I could post, but I think the really greatest one has no real picture. It's that warm feeling... that delicious rightness, that even if things are going very wrong, we have this hope. Christ came and is coming again. This one thing I know, for he loves me so... He gave his life up for me. For me! and it's all because he loves me... he loves us. It's a beautiful thing to be loved with an ever lasting love...dare I say - my very favorite thing :D

Jesus Blood Never Failed Me Yet

Beautiful isn't it? Faith I mean. This man who's halting, off key and trembling melody carries the weight of his years...his life, touches the heart with the beauty of his simple lyrics. The truth that has carried him when seemingly all else failed him. Jesus can be trusted. "this one thing I know, that He loves me so, Jesus blood never failed me yet!"
for the whole story about how this man even came to be recorded check out http://www.gavinbryars.com/Pages/jesus_blood_never_failed_m.html

ye canna beat an egg

I find this guy so funny... His songs are hilarious... yes he writes them himself. He's got hit's like... "We play Ludo on a Saturday night" "Midges Everywhere" "I was born in Fraserburgh Toon" and many many more.... I warn you now they get stuck in your head!

Uh-OH!!! moments

I found these all laugh out loud funny :D Thanks Basia....

The Inkblot Test

http://web.tickle.com/tests/inkblot
grace, your subconscious mind is driven most by Peace

You have a deeply-rooted desire to make peace in the world. Whether through subtle interactions with loved ones, or through getting involved in social causes, it is important to you to be able to influence the world in a positive way.You have a deep respect for humankind. You care about the future of the world, even beyond your own involvement in it, and you inspire others to feel the same way. Your innate drive toward peace guides you in daily life towards decisions that are respectful toward yourself and others

2 things I love..

I love dreams and dream interpretation AND I love taking online tests. So this one... was fun for me:http://web.tickle.com/tests/dreams
and more surprising was the result.
"grace, the recurrent theme of your dream life is Divine Inspiration You're dreaming about feeling deeply connected to the universe and to those around you. This means that you're likely tapping into a sense of uplifting freedom and awe of the greater things in life."
Fascinating don't you think??

Cold and Flu Season/Man Cold

As someone living with victims of the "man cold" let me just say... It's funny because it's true :D

what lay beneath

I haven't written anything too personal for a while. Not because there's nothing to tell, but because anything I had to say smacked of self pity, and who in their right mind would want to be percieved as self pitying (even if they are ;D)
However, although it still feels a little too close to home, I want to write a little something about last Sunday. I don't know if it has just been because I've been a Christian for a LONG while, or maybe God was just giving me some time in the desert... but it's been ages since I listened to a sermon and took it personally.
I've learned from many of them perhaps, but not in the way that grabs hold of your heart and mind and makes you drink in every word.

The subject was Fear... and I thought, "perfect! I hope *so-and-so* is paying attention"... you may laugh, but really I did.
But the sermon wasn't just on fear, it was about fearing God. Fearing the cost of following God keeps us from acting and living a life that we are designed for. It keeps us on a short leash and fools us into thinking we are safe.... safety is a rather nice feeling. But "freedom isn't doing anything you 'feel' like. Freedom comes from fulfilling what you were created to be." I usually feel like doing what's safe, following the well trodden path... but by doing this I am not fearing God. I am not trusting that God, who is Love, will care for me. I am not believing that God, who consistently has shown mercy and grace, will do what is best for me.

So the question was asked of us. "Do you fear God more than your fear the results of walking with Him?"
Do I?
Do I act in truth?
Do I make choices that I trust will bring blessing or do I make choices based on the short return?

You know...I really don't know anymore. If you've been reading this blog even semi-regualrly, then I am sure you know I've been floundering the last year and a half or so. Although my faith in God himself and my belief in Him is secure, my trust has been very shallow... in fact, it's been a massive struggle... My lack of trust often determined by whether I feel God is helping me achieve my ambitions, plans, dreams, etc...

Here's the thing, I think I've mentioned it before, but while I was in England a couple years ago, I went through this week a few months after Faye died, where it seemed like God was asking me to hand over certain dreams. Every day something different - with no promise from Him that they would be replaced, but more a question... isn't He enough? Can I replace my dreams with the reality of who He is in my life? Sounds nice and spiritual right? But each day it was like grieving the loss of a close friend, something I was keenly familiar with at the time. By the end of the week I felt such a release, and not even a week later a new dream was handed to me, that brought me home to Canada.

However, several months later, it seemed God wanted that one as well, with more sadness and more grieving on my part I handed it over. A few days later it seemed like God handed me another dream, another goal...For two years I have been playing catch and release with dreams, seemingly from God, laid before me... Me putting effort and love into seeing them come to fruition, only to have the dream, at the time snatched away, at the last moment. Still - do I trust Him? Do I trust that HE will take care of me all the days of my life? Do I give Him my hand and walk with Him in and out of these dreams, no matter how much it hurts to loose them?

At the end of the service Tom (who is now our worship Arts Pastor- for which we are truly grateful) led, in his rich baritone... "Jesus, all for Jesus. All I am and have, and ever hope to be... All of my ambitions hopes and plans, I surrender these into Your hands."
I wanted to cry... once again there they were, all my ambitions, hopes and plans, lined up like ducks in a row and I knew I was saying goodbye.

To be honest, I don't always mean what I sing in church, but just then I did. Wanting not to cry and embarrass those around me, I attempted a smile instead, and when my voice started to crack, I sang all the louder - I didn't care, I wasn't singing for those in ear shot anyway, today it was my prayer.
Jesus, all for Jesus... All I am and have and ever hope to be, all of my ambitions hopes and plans, I surrender these into Your hands, for it's only in Your will that I am free...Jesus...all for Jesus, all I am and have, and ever hope to be.

Two things....

you may not have known re: Grace E Schienbein

1.) She is secretly an Oriental Tea Guru

2.) She is Megan's Kevin Bacon!!

Three things you probably already knew re: Grace E Schienbein but were seeking confirmation on.

1.) She still enjoys apples.

2.) She once had a very old, very kindly looking Rabbi tell her, he "MUST hate" her.

3.) She is planning on spending way too much money this year on Technology & Travel.

I'm a clown.

Today I was teaching a drama class and my dad paid us a visit (he is the super intendent of the school, so he can do as he pleases.) Since the students and I were playing the questions game (along with Joy who escaped the office in order to join us) it was suggested that he and I face off.
I can't tell you how nice it is to make him laugh like he was. He is much better at the game than I would have given him credit for... so much so that I had to "level up" :D
But the best was that he was up to the challenge and that he had so much fun just playing the game.
Bet your wondering what some of the questions were... well I started by asking if he knew for sure that he was my real dad... let me just say I obviously forgot the class was watching sometimes. He definitely kept his composure when I asked if he could explain to me the birds and the bees, and why he could grow a handsome beard and I couldn't. He almost got me a few times himself... when he asked if I would like the facts of life explained in front of my students (He would have no qualms about doing that)... anyway - fun times at Trinity High.
I also have an incredibly funny story from recess today - that I refuse to blog but may just tell you in an email if you ask me nicely :D Right Joy?? Joy's still laughing about it and my face is still a little red.

A Dark Confession

Lately I've been doing a little research to try and develop some curriculum on one of my favorite subjects. Middle Eastern History. Everytime I get excited about it I feel like the biggest nerd in the world. But I think I may just give in and get a pocket protector because I LOVE the stories and the intrigue and ALL of it really... mostly I love how God is evident throughout even when the person is completely unaware at the time. I love that God can take the absolute moral failure of a person or persons and use it to not only glorify himself, but save nations, again and again taking what is meant for evil and turning it into blessing. Kind of a relief wouldn't you say?? anyway that's my confession... I'm a bit of a nerd that loves to study what 90% of the world will find incredibly boring.

A moment of silence please, for Marcel Marceau.

I think it's what he would have wanted.

Hmm, interesting....

US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said Thursday an upcoming US-sponsored Middle East conference must be "substantive," and that Israel and the Palestinians must draft a document before the meeting that lays "foundations for serious negotiations."

The Palestinians want the conference, tentatively set for November, to yield an outline for a peace deal, complete with timetable, while Israel wants a more vague declaration of intent. Key Arab states, such as Saudi Arabia, have said they would only attend if concrete results were achieved.
Palestinian leaders pressed Rice about the goal of the conference.
The gathering "has to be substantive and advance the cause of a Palestinian state," Rice told a joint news conference with Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas. Participants must not "simply meet for the sake of meeting," she said.

my curiosity is piqued, will this one indeed be different?

FOTC - Most Beautiful Girl In The Room

Looking round the room I can tell that you
are the most beautiful girl
in the room. The whole
wide room!

FOTC Raps

so funny.... from the show Flight of The Conchords! I am a fan of the first degree!
"my rhymes are bottomless....."

So Long Luciano... So Long...

It's a strange thing... thinking about those you have known (or known of) most of your life, no longer being a part of this world. The idea that you will have no new memories of that person... That every future thought of them will be based on a memory, and thoughts or ideas of who they were will begin to replace the real them. No, the passing of Paverotti hasn't been the thing to make me wax poetic. There are a number of things lately that seem to be constantly revealing how temporal and fragile this life really is. With those thoughts has come the question, "what on earth are you doing?"
Bringing me back to the question I've been asking for the past days and weeks. How NOW shall I live? I have no security of taking another breath tomorrow, of laughing with friends, or sharing a knowing smile. I don't know that I will see another sunset (or sunrise if I were at all the type to wake early enough). I don't know what tomorrow holds, so how NOW should I live?

I don't want to let my thoughts be consumed with "what if"s or "if only"s. I don't want to continue worrying about failed plans and opportunities.
I want to be the person I should be today and not continue to beat myself up over past failures. I want to know God and show him today how much I love him. I want to do today what He desires of me, and not worry anymore about the consequences... knowing that God's will for me is not always in line with the will friends and family have for me.

So there it is again... How do I live today in complete fulfillment of what God has earmarked for me in these next 24 hours?
How do I take captive my thoughts and make them obedient to Christ?
How do I pray continuously, at all times with all kinds of prayer - keeping this in mind... That HE who began a good work in me, will be faithful to complete it.

Art Immitating Life

Really we have had almost the same conversation with my german friends... true story!!

"life finds a way..."

it's amazing what can sometimes happen in the span of a week... I don't think I could even attempt to blog it all in anything but point form...so here goes.

In less than a week I/ we

.saw the largest perogy in the world!

.took some interesting photo's of the giant sausage in mundare - really what were they thinking (I think I could tell you)

.met up with friends we haven't really seen in over a decade

.filled up on german vocabulary

.visited the badlands and did a little climbing, and bone/perfect picture hunting

.ate at a restaurant that time warps you back to 1987

.reconnected with family

.tried our hands a "yenta"ing

.travelled through mountains and crossed rivers in sandalled feet right on the edge of waterfalls, and were caught in a violent rain storm just after Lake Louise.

.drove on the "c-train" tracks in Calgary because Darren told us too.. later were told that t is highly illegal and our car could have been disabled (oops)

.met another friend from england and caught up as best you can in a matter of hours.

.listened to an up an comers new album namely Darren

.visited Calgary Zoo and made fun of the ugly animals.... I leave that to your interpretation.

.stopped along the QE2 so that my hero brother could assist with an accident that happened just moments before we got there. very exciting

.watched a home made version of fiddler on the roof (that is code my friends)

.tagged along on a 9 1/2 hour shopping excursion.

.saw what looked like a homeless man land a triple sow cow and a multitude of spins at the Ice Palace....really entertaining!!

. went to the airport to say goodbye

.went to grandmas house

.had my car towed and impounded due to a minor misunderstanding.

.rescued off the street by Lena, toured the Ledge grounds, German movie very good!

.another trip to the airport with my aunt and parents, then off to the impound yard...

.rescued said car... (after getting registration and permission sorted because actually it is my brother Phil's car and the registration had expired months ago)

.and made our way home... 2200 km later!

I think today we maybe just might stay in :D

How Now Shall We Live?

I think, scratch that, I KNOW I ask the wrong question... I'm always wondering what next... God where would you have me go? What would you have me do? Where will I be? Who will I be next year?

I don't ask, "How NOW should I live?"

I know, I know... "Don't worry about tomorrow, tomorrow will take care of itself." But really, who listens to that advice?? If you do, I think we should talk because I really need to know how to do it.

I spend so much time thinking up goals and visions and plans of action and the next thing, the best thing, what to learn, what to devote myself to in the future.... I do that and I keep missing the blessing of today. Inevitably these dreams don't all come to fruition.

Today I was thinking a bit about plans/dreams I have had for the future that seem at the moment to have been torn asunder and I started to feel the old familiar melancholy... that self pitying sadness that comes from dashed hopes. It totally put a damper on the beautiful day that I have had. I have friends that have come all the way from Germany to see me!! Unbelievable! we saw so much, laughed our heads off... have made memories to last a lifetime and I began to feel sad because momentarily the future looked bleak. How horrible is that. I think it's horrible that I let my joy be stolen by things that are so uncertain... things that weren't even real.

Ridiculous!! I am ridiculous!

I know I need to change the question. Not what next God, but what NOW? How now should I live? In this moment, who should I give my time, who should I offer my heart, my abilities (such as they are), who should I offer my service? Where should I keep my thoughts? In this very moment how do I live to make it the fullest life, the most abundant life I can have?

"I have come that you might have life and have it to the full!"

I am in his debt...

Major Ian ThomasBorn Hampstead, London, England, 13th September 1915Died Estes Park, Colorado, USA, 1st August 2007"Heaven is rejoicing as Dad is welcomed home"That was the heading on the news sent round to the other Torchbearer centres by Chris Thomas just yesterday..."At 1:40 today (Wednesday) Dad, whom many affectionately referred to as "The Major," "Ian" or "big brother" went to be with the One whom he loved, served and about whom he couldn't stop talking. That was true until the end!"It is with sadness that this announcement comes but also with a tremendous sense of thanksgiving and joy as Capernwray and Torchbearers International reflect upon the remarkable journey he had upon earth. So many are eternally grateful for the message of life in Christ that he so clearly and powerfully proclaimed and no doubt there will be those reading this who will recall a moment, a turn of phrase and a Scripture explained that sparked life into the soul, none more so than "Christ in you, your only hope of glory." Dad's funeral will be held in the coming week in Estes Park, Colorado, where he and Mrs Thomas have been based for over 20 years. Joan and the family are grateful for your prayers as thanksgiving is made for Major's welcome home. Preliminary plans are being considered for a celebration of his life to be held at Capernwray Hall, England in the weeks ahead. Further details will be confirmed as and when possible. It is a privilege to write from a place like Capernwray, at present filled with young people, knowing that Major and Mrs Thomas took steps of obedience even before the place was purchased 60 years ago. They never dreamed or imagined what the Lord had in mind as the first guests arrived and travel around the world began. No doubt you praise the Lord for Major's life, testimony and legacy. As far as living the Christian life is concerned he always maintained it was impossible. He would never let us forget, "Only Christ can do that," and often said "He never said we could--He always said He would".With all our gratitude for the Lord's goodness,Mark & Linda Thomas and everyone at Capernwray. ______________

when life leans in on you...

Inspired by Michael's blog... he writes:

"Today I thought about my family, how we're all growing older and life is leaning on us. Life seems like an obstacle course and if you're lucky you can side-step or duck under illness or tragedy, but sooner or later it will get someone you love, if not you yourself and the pain will be torture just the same."

For some reason I thought about this a lot today. Today life seems a bit fickle. Like it promises something and then just when you feel secure in it the bottom drops out on the dream. Or just when you think relationships are secure something happens to alter it... maybe illness, maybe miscommunication, maybe death or the threat of it, or just a move. Things are never as secure as we want them to be.

I know I can hate the idea of committing... but I love the idea of security. I bet that seems a bit oxymoronic :D

but really... I long for security... I want definites and assurances and yes to mean yes and no to mean no. Which is probably why I am not quick to make promises... instead I feel secure in definite maybes. LOL

Sadly... for the most part everyone else also wants security, possibly promised by you, without the need for a personal commitment.

Anyway.. there it was my thought process today - and as I was thinking about all this I realized - I have security, just not in this world, in this life. I know for many faith, and the hope of the life after this is a big question mark - a vague hope... But I have been blessed with this unshakeable faith since I was a child, that God exisits and that by my repentance and my acceptance of the gift of salvation I will live eternally.

So my problem is not with an eternal type insecurity - it is really temporal... and as I sat on a bench just outside Wal*Mart waiting for my brothers I realized... even though there are moments I ache and hurt and long for security in every and all areas of my life... no matter what happens, no matter what "life" throws my way - I really will be alright. I've already been through so much that has caused so much pain and in the midst felt God's love and compassion. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that though these things have the power to injur me, they do not have the power to destroy me. No matter what happens - I'm gonna be alright.

Somehow just thinking like that helps me to not only be braver than I normally am - but to be more content... whether circumstances would dictate it or not :D

Space Junk

so there I was driving along minding my own business; when all of a sudden I hit this ginormous pot hole the wasn't there the day before. It's a road I take everyday to work, and I KNOW I would remember a pot hole of that magnitude. There are only 2 ways this could have happened over night (literally within hours) ...

1. There was an earthquake... just right there... a little one.

2. A very tiny little meteor struck just there... just right in my path.

Trust me, those are the only two viable options. I have spent at least five minutes pondering, and that is definitely the theories that stuck out as the most scientificly sound :D

White Ninja rocked my Socks... AGAIN

white ninja's a bad archer....

White Ninja's So Tough....

v. vom·it·ed, vom·it·ing, vom·its

1. To eject (contents of the stomach) through the mouth.

Have you ever had a week that was so completely different than you imagined it would be, even though many of the things you had planned DID happen??

That was last week at camp for me. Just really different and I can't even really explain why. It's not bad or worse just...unexpected.

Our theme was behind enemy lines and lets be honest... there was some days when I really felt we were. Everything seemed like a struggle, everything was just a little more difficult than it needed to be.

I was supposed to give a business plan presentation on Wednesday in Cold Lake (which meant leaving for the day) I needed to finish up some work on it, so I would go into St.Paul to finish it up on Monday afternoon. The program didn't work. I got to email a friend which was great, but didn't accomplish ANYTHING towards the business plan. I wasn't too worried because I had another day. I went in Tuesday... still nothing, I couldn't get into the program, no one seemed to know what to do for ages, until finally we realized we needed a system administrator to download the program to their computers - the system admin wasn't there. Just when I was starting to worry, I got a call to say my meeting wednesday would have to be rescheduled - PHEW!! BIG RELIEF!! So went back to the camp, and decided not to worry about it anymore.

I was at the camp as the prayer warrior, and although I did pray often and much, I didn't have the alone time I thought I would have, the role became something very different than I had imagined. Not bad - just different. I spent a lot more time with people than I figured - which is great, I love people. But today... I feel a little like I missed out on the alone time with God I was sure I would get. I guess I will have to find that for myself here at home :D

I could write pages and pages about the week, but instead here are some highlights.

1. Making the rules movie - Shawn Sales and I were put in charge of making a funny little movie about camp rules. FUN AND FUNNY - loved it!!! wish we had an actual video camera and more than one take, but still really good in the end, thank goodness for Newmans laptop!

2.Cabin clean up - Shawn and I were also in charge of checking the cabins, and let me tell you the "hospitality" was great - Newmans cabin stood out from the rest almost every day, they were pretty genius, but also appreciate that our sisters Joy and Tanya, who shared a cabin, were so great about making sure they catered to us.

3. Chris fumbling for his sunglasses - there is definitely a stary here, but I don't think I can tell it on blogger - anyway, very funny slightly bizzare.

4. Laughing with "the girls"... so many tummy hurting laughs, but especially when we were at the table and joy laughed so hard she puked, none of us really saw it happen, but there on the table in front of her was the throw up - made us laugh even harder (had a camper bleach the table after Joy cleaned most of it up)

5. movies with Jeamie at night

6. Campfire testimonies

7. Stories of Chris manipulating Chet's Sim character also refuse to talk about it on blogger.

8. Silas Nichol -laughs more than any kid I know - so fun and funny, best part is teaching this one year old an african bushman song

There is so much more, that can't even be summed up, plus I really need to go shower, I'm off to the lake for a boat ride and then BBQ this evening (jealous??)

more than meets the eye

SO GOOD! really loved it...

If you see one film this summer

it should probably be

TRANSFORMERS!

Much funnier than I expected.

Well directed, well acted good action

- a real feel good movie!

I would say more, but

don't want to give it all

away.

See it, I guarantee that at

the very least you will

be entertained :D

just thinking...

that because of free will, we can never actually be sure, 100% of a lasting human relationship built on love. However, without freewill we could never truly love, because the foundation of a true love (whether for a human or the divine) is built on the ability to choose.
A love of long standing is not built on emotion it is a decision to act.

today in pictures

formulating a plan of attack.

my day in pictures...

I'm tired

and hungry

and angry with the government!

Two of those things could be

cured right now.... only I'm too frustrated to eat or sleep! *growl*

Art Class

Today I taught an Art class in Iron River School (for Nikki's class). I love it, it's always fun and a good ego boost. So thanks for that... It came at a good time because I feel so stressed and frustrated and tired and this was a day away from all that. I would elaborate but it would only make more more tired and frustrated leading to added stress and I just can't - not here, not now. If you really care to know email me and we'll chat :D

Loves, Grace

P.S. This white ninja happens to be a fairly accurate representation of what went down - I of course am white ninja :D

German Phrases of the Day

He smokes like a chimney.

Er raucht wie ein Schlot.

air rowKt vee in shlot

Where can we go for ballroom dancing?

Wo konnen wir zu einem Tanzabend gehen?

vo kurnen veer tsOO inem tantsahbent gayen?

For those that are interested...

I've added a load more wedding pictures to Dan and Joys Wedding blog.
Feel free to peruse at you leisure!

Democracy, theocracy and a lesson in love...

Don't you love it when you read something that you have never thought about before. Something that never even crossed your mind before, but makes absolute sense the first time you read it, and you wonder why it has never crossed your mind before?? That's just what reading Fern Seed and Elephants (by C.S. Lewis) is like for me. I don't know why I never read it before. It's a small book of essays, but with a lot to chew on.
Here's a couple excerpts from the essay on membership...
"I believe in political equality. But there are two opposite reasons for being a democrat. You may think all men so good that they deserve a share in the government of the commnwealth, and so wise that the commonwealth needs their advice. That is, in my opinion the false, romantic doctrine of democracy. On the other hand, you may believe fallen men to be so wicked that not one of them can be trusted with any irresponsible power over his fellows.
That I believe to be the true ground of democracy. I do not believe God created an eglitarian world. I believe the authority of a parent over a child, husband over wife, learned over simple, to have been as much a part of the original plan as the authority of man over beast.

I believe that if we had not fallen Filmer would be right, and partiarchal monarchy would be the sole lawful government. But since we have learned sin, we have found, as Lord Acton says, that 'all power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.' The only remedy has been to take away the powers and substitute a legal fiction of equality. The authority of father and husband has been rightly abolished on the legal plane, not because this authority is in itself bad (on the contrary, it is, I hold, divine in origin) but because fathers and husbands are bad. Theocracy has been rightly abolished not because it is bad that learned priests should govern ignorant layman, but because priests are wicked men like the rest of us. Even the authority of man over beast has had to be interfered with because it is constantly abused.

Equality is for me in the same position as clothes. It is a result of the Fall and the remedy for it.....
It is idle to say that men are of equal value. If value is taken in a worldly sense - if we mean that all men are equally useful or beautiful or good or entertaining - then it is nonsense. If it means that all are of equal value as immoral souls then I think it conceals a dangerous error. The infinite value of each human soul is not a Christian doctrine. God did not die for man because of some value He perceived in him. The value of each human soul considered simply in itself, out of relation to God, is zero. As Paul himself writes, to have died for valuable men would not have been divine, but merely heroic; but God died for sinners. He loved us not because we were lovable, but because He is Love. It may be that He loves all equally - he certainly loved all to death - and I am not certain what the expression means. If there is equality it is in His love, not in us.
Equality is a quantative term and therefore love often knows nothing of it....
As democracy becomes more complete in the outer world and opportunities for reverence are successively removed, the refreshment, the cleansing, and invigorating returns to inequality, which the Church offers us become more and more necessary."

Maybe this is why we struggle to really know God.. to trust Him. we are so bound by the ideals of democracy that we haven't learnt reverence. Because we lack reverence we bring God down to our level... and how can someone on my plane work miracles?? I don't trust God because I don't know Him. to know Him I must search out the truth about Him and seperate that from the god I know who is covered by the culture that I know and am a part of.

3am ramblings...

I was reading "The Growing Up Pains of Adrian Plass" (by Adrian Plass). I love his writing because I flatter myself that we are very similar types of people, he writes of themes and in ways that I would like to or have written about myself.
So last night when I wasn't sleeping (as per usual) I was reading about Adrians struggle with vulnerability which mirrors my own... here's what he had to say.

On the following Wednesday night I described this event to Company* viewers, pointing out how vulnerable I had felt when Ian first asked me to take the service. I had feared failure of some kind, failure to deliver the Christian 'goods', failure to make the ven memorable and meaningful, failure as well, if I'm honest to impress. It occurred to me after the programme was finished that I was still playing games about honesty and openness. I had often said to people that I was quite happy to lay myself open at the Company table; to be truly vulnerable;but was I really? Later as I settled comfotably back into my seat on the southbound train from Victoria, I frowned thropugh the murky glass of the window and conducted an inner dialogue with myself.
* (company was a religious program on a local television station that lasted about 15 mins on Wednesday evenings)
'What do you mean when you say I'm not vulnerable on Company? I've just told goodness knows how many people about my rotten selfish feelings when Ian asked me to...'
'Ah yes. So you hvae. Did you tell Ian that at the time?'
'Well, no - but...'
'And isn't it a fact that you rather enjoy running yourself down about things that have already happened? It makes you feel good, and it protects you from real criticism.'
'Well...'
'Doesn't it?'
'I suppose so - but, look. What about the way I've talked about the arguments and problems Bridget and I sometimes have. That's real enough.'
My internal inquisitorchuckled. 'Oh, yes. I know what you mean. You mean when you and she sit there full of confidence and looking crackers about each other, and talk about the terrible problems you have.'
'But we do have problems! Surely it must be worthwhile to talk about things like that."
'Oh, yes. I've no doubt it is. But that's not what we're taliing about. We're talking about your claim that you're vulnerable sometimes. let me ask you a question.'
'Yes?'
'Has it ever cost you anything, mentally or emotionally to say the things you say around that kitchen table?'
East Crydon flashed by. I sighed.
'No it hasn't'
"Aren't you actually determined not to show your real feelings to anybody, let alone television cameras?'
I inadvertently vocalised the irritable 'Yes!' with which I answered this question, slightly shocking a precise looking elderly lady on the other side of the carriage. Perhaps she thought that I was practising being positive.

VULNERABILITY!! It's such a struggle to show love to others by being vulnerable with them. I think because there seems to be a fine line between those that are able to be vulnerable and those that pour out in an obsessive way all their insecurities and vulnerabilities to anyone and everyone that will listen without a desire to be helped. Only wanting pity and sympathy. Feeling used by these type of people is the very reason I struggle with vulnerability. Pride doesn't let me be vulnerable for fear of being numbered amoung them.

Still last night convicted by these chapters... I wrote out some of my vulnerabilites.... for all to see :D
... The truth of the matter is... I'm not sure where I should be. I can say the right things and I can tell myself that presently I am a product of my circumstances. That there are things in my life keeping me from moving forward into the 'more' that God offers. The 'abundant life' I'm so happy to talk about but often times afraid to live.
It is true that there are circumstances that presently keep me from the future I assume God has marked out for me... but it is only true in part.
There is a more even in the waiting, an abundant life that I in my sulky childish way have refused.

It seems like for months now I have been more than content to offer God the bare minimum of myself, my time, my thought life, my energy, my prayers. Almost a "tit for tat' measure. Because I feel a bit like God has been witholding, I hold back with Him.
Because of this the time in the Waiting Room (as I like to call it) has not been so unlike times I have sat in hospital waiting rooms. Hands to myself so as not to pick up any germs. Eyes downcast so that I don't meet the gaze of others who like myself are wondering and imagining what everyone is is in for. Occasionally glancing at charts and posters on the wall that remind of the hazards of various foibles, that gladly I don't count myself a part of... Drunkeness, Smoking, Gluttony, etc.
I remain, sat there, sefl involved and applauding mysefl for not being the person those posters are aimed at Thinking proudly of what I haven't done, rather than shamedly at what I should be doing. Trying all the while to push back the fear that when I finally get in to see the doctor he will somehow find something very wrong with me and possibly fatal that I hadn't realized.
I'm sure you can see the connection... Instead of actively pursuing God, pursuing life... I wait self involved and fearful that the future that I hope for will be snatched away and I'll be told that I am in fact quite a hopeless case. Miserable. And I have been miserable. And it has been my own fault. My own selfish, childish, sulky self, throwing rocks at the gates of heaven... trying to get God to pay attention to me and give me the life I think I deserve because somewhere along the line I felt he was leading me in that direction.
Silly... I'm a silly girl who God in His mercy loves very much!

know what's nice...

singing as loud and as boisterously as you can in a group of friendlies.... true story

ever have one of those days??

I feel like I have had several weeks of those days, and just when things seem to be getting better my feet are kicked out from under me (not unlike what happened to Miss USA last night - I have to admit we laughed... is that mean?? probably but it seemed like poetic justice).

Anyway, sadly I haven't be very good at "counting it all joy" until I started to notice others that are going through equally tough and/or worse trials than myself. I had let frustrations make me more and more self centered, "and that ain't right" ;)

Anyway, I was trying to look at blessings and gifts God has given me in the midst of it all and found so many. It's people. Things can go wrong aplenty, and people can seemingly kick you while you're down, but there have been a greater number of people that pick me up - that dust me off and help me get back in the game. For that I am very greatful.

Thanks friends - I love you... <3

Please note this poster is in no way supposed to reflect anything in this post... I just thought it was funny. YOU are valuable! (if not to me then to someone I'm sure... kidding :D, just kidding )

and... we're back

It was quite the trip, hectic doesn't even start to cover. I thought for a few days there that we may not make it back alive. No joke.

I think after a few weeks of therapy I may be able to write about it here. I'll get to work on that. In the mean time I just thought I'd say... I'm going to make up a new blog for anyone that wants to download wedding pictures... I'll call it schienbeinruthwedding -nice and complicated I know!

This time next week...

We will be in Amish country... I'm so excited. I hope it won't seem too rude if I stare... possibly with binoculars... and maybe take a few pictures... through their windows...

I jest!

Dan and Joy get married on the 12th of May and pretty much the whole family is heading down to Joy's home town of Massillon, Ohio. Most are going to fly... boring... but other Joy (she hates to be called that), Phil and I are going to road trip it there starting on Saturday. Should be interesting, to say the least.

For interest sake here's a picture of Dan and Joy looking blissfully happy... and one of me... so you can look at it and not miss me too much :D

YOU'RE VERY WELCOME!

Look Around You - Maths

Hilarious!!

it changes things

I know it's hard to feel real sorrow for hurting

people that are totally unconnected to you.

It's sometimes hard to remember to pray... but

whether we feel it or not we are connected. I don't

think I know anyone that was killed or injured in the

shooting, but I do know people affected. I know a few people there and even though they are safe. Even though they didn't maybe see what happened

with their own eyes... their lives will never be the same. Even if they live in hope instead of fear... they will live with an awareness that their lives can touched by these things. I remember very clearly living with that type of awareness in Israel, looking at people differently. Profiling.

A friend, who's getting married there in a couple of months and whose parents

are professors there said this in an email today:

" Everything is okay with my family. They're a bit shaken up, but they're ok. Its just bazaar. I mean, I put on my wedding invitations "at the Hahn Horticulture Garden at Virginia Tech" but people are basically going to read "come to my wedding at Columbine" and that is weird to try and think about, that that's what people will think about for a very long time now. The feeling you get when you hear or think about Columbine is now the same or worse as Virginia Tech. Thats where I'm from. I'm from the place where the shooting was. So strange. but I'm ok, it just takes a while to sink in."

I know another girl who knew the first guy to be killed (Ryan Clark). There is a connection. Closer than you may have thought. And one that is closer still. Our heavenly Father, the One we hopefully talk to every day, knows them... knows their hearts. Aches with those grieving family and friends. It is so easy to be self involved. Say to one another "oh how tragic" and go on our merry way. But maybe today, if you're reading this, you can take just a minute to pray. It is amazing to know you are being uplifted in prayer. It's palpable. There have been times when I knew I was being prayed for, and when I knew it had ceased.

Pray with me that in the midst of the grief and the overwhelming hurt, in the midst of this new sense of fear that has attached itself to those on that campus - that people would see God, that they would find how much His heart is for them. That they would be overwhelmed by His love.

Real Men Rule The World! (Stolen from BCM's blog)

This reminds me of something....

.....something I was once a witness to....hmmmm

Happy Easter lovies!!

love is in the air everywhere you look around... love is in the air, every site and every sound...

hahahahhahahhahaha love it!

Chag Semeach! Chag Pesach..

Happy Passover everyone!!

p.s. owen, you can now check 'em out on ringo :D

Bedouin Soundclash - When The Night Feels My Song

you DO know them right??

When the night felt my song...

It really happened! One of my favorite bands came to Cold Lake of all places.. and they were just about as swell as you'd expect them to be.. maybe even better. You could tell poor old Cold Lake, didn't know what hit them. When we got to the Agriplex where the concert was being held the parking lot was packed and we joked that everyone was there for bingo... to my chagrin everyone was there for bingo...
Yep.. Bingo night was packed out... but there were only a handful of people standing outside, waiting in line to get in...
you can see the "crowd" if you look just past Nikki and Janet - I must say the crowd swelled a little before letting us in but you could sure tell ours is a Nickelback town and not a Bedouin Soundclash town... *SIGH*
Anyway, after sitting through various local bands (and therefore headache inducing) they arrived - sadly by the time they took the stage some concert go-ers gave up and headed for some local bars and nightclubs (ridiculous) Ah well, it meant we could be up front center stage, if we liked
Yep they pretty much rocked my socks off... but what rocked even more?

meeting them after - friendliest band I've met so far actually, really nice - they chatted with us for as long as we liked...
This guy here? Pat Pengelly, the drummer and therefore slightly sweatier than the rest, we met him first.

This is Eon Sinclair (met him last) had a nice phat chat about t-shirt making and a recent car accident they had been in. Really nice guy.
yep - the old whisker rub/ friendly platonic kiss (I add that for the benefit of his girlfriend :D) from lead singer and jack of all trades Jay Malinowski

Jay in a Schienbein sandwich... this is after we chatted for a while about the u.k. and whether or not he really knew where Lancaster is. He said he did, but I called him on it :D He still insists he's heard of it. All in all this night... it felt my song, so rude boy don't cry.

It's past 12:59 so I'm going to bed, I've already had my lullaby.

c'mon men... man up!

Even if she says she can do it - don't let her... it's just wrong.

come on... be a man! Do the right thing.