Good Grief

If I could paint a "living" picture to represent grief, I think it would be an asteroid landing in a lake. There is that initial tidal wave. Emotion that is so completely overwhelming everything around is overwhelmed by it. Immediately following are waves, they come quickly one after the other, with very brief moments of respite. Following this, smaller waves a greater distance apart, but still moving in against the shore, carrying out with them a bit of the soft sand. Later, possibly much later, are little ripples... so far apart they are hardly noticed by those that are not close to the water, but they are there and they still upset the water enough that the calm "glassy-ness" is not yet returned.... maybe it never will.

I was talking with my sister in law the other night and we were talking about this very thing. I know I've written about it probably more than one can bear to read, but I am still surprised that I can randomly cry over a friend that passed away many years ago now. I was sitting in church on Sunday and these waves of grief just kept washing over me. It had nothing to do with anything specific that was said... I just remembered her and missed her. My sister in law was telling me her similar story and we talked about missing family and friends even some that although still alive, for one reason or another are no longer a part of our lives. When the grief again creeps in after so many years it can be a little surprising, don't you think? The larger gaps in between the ripples give you a false sense that things have returned to the way they were before the tragic event that immersed you in a time of grief.

Well, all that said... I know it will sound very strange, but I am glad for the ripples. Somehow it validates once again the stronger emotions that came first. It reminds me that my life was forever changed by someone else being in it. Even though the time seemed short, there are phrases and ways of looking at things that are a part of me now because of that friend... the grief is a sort of reminder of where it came from.
More than that, those ripples remind me of the fact that I miss this person because death in and of itself was not a part of God's perfect plan. He has given us a chance to join Him in eternity. He conquered death, he conquered sin and there will be a day when I can enjoy the fullness of that victory. So deep down under the sadness there is still always a glimmer of hope and joy and perfect peace.

It is in that way... a Good Grief.