Summer's gone. The weather has taken a turn for the colder and the leaves are changing. Work has started again. I hate that it makes me melancholy, but it does. It just seems like I have to gear up for another year of "the same old, same old." It's strange to feel like that because I know that technically the year already holds a lot of changes in store.
I think it probably has more to do with another approaching birthday. I wish I could hold back the years. It seems like there is still so much undone I can't afford another birthday. I want to leave each year brightly... but somehow I managed to wile away my time on silly little things that don't add up to anything great in the grand scheme of things.
I wonder if that disappoints God? I know He loves me no matter what. But... he has given me so much and I feel like I do so little with it sometimes. I know for certain that I spend to much time on myself and not enough on others. I don't want to be like that. I want to give more. Somehow, I end up embracing our culture that says "you need to take more and more time for yourself and what makes you happy." Although, I know from experience that I am happiest when I am thinking of, and doing, less of/for myself and more of/for others. I tell myself I don't have time in the day. That between work and studies I just can't. But the truth is... I have time to paint, and read, and knit and watch tv. So I definitely have time for others I just need to channel it. To choose it.
So... what am I going to do about it?
I need a plan. I need to get involved with people that will keep me accountable. I need to give all my life to God (again) to use as He pleases.
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