Jesus Makes Me Look Good

I'm a fraud. At least that's how I feel right now. I was visiting a website that a friend of mine suggested... http://andrewkooman.com . She thought I might be interested in his writing and what he is doing with his life as many of the things are what I claim to be passionate about. Civil liberty and freedom. Abolition of modern slavery. True religion, taking care of widows and orphans in their affliction. When I say that I am thinking very specifically about some of those my brother David visited and lived amongst when he was with Hands at Work in Africa this year.
I do care... but there is still a great part of me that is loathe to give up the life I have here.
It is not that it's perfect, in fact there are many things I would change in a heart beat. But I have a job that I enjoy, and love to see the ways some of the children in the school are growing in the knowledge and understanding of God's love for them. I am close to my family. I enjoy close friendships. I have a comfortable little nook in the basement of my parents home... not everyone's dream I know, but the rent is cheap and the company is fantastic :D

It is an easy life.
But I am not certain it is the abundant life that Christ has called me to. I know there are times when I felt really alive. When I knew without a shadow of a doubt I was just where God wanted me, doing just what he wanted me to do. They were exciting times. Fearless times. Times when Jesus had the reigns on what I did and when I did it.

If I were to recount some of the stories... and I do, especially to my students. I come out sounding very brave... very godly even... But here's the thing - It wasn't really me. It was Jesus. Just when I was at my least capable He took over. I'm very grateful He did because I got to experience with Him some extraordinary things. I learned things from Him with words that came out of my own mouth. Wise things that made me look very clever. But they were not my own.

I love that kind of life, so I am not sure what keeps me from living it every day. I love that Jesus makes me look good. I know the way I would act if it were just up to me. In fact I have done too much of that kind of living in the last year. I have done too much 'giving up in the face of adversity'. I have done too much 'how can I do just enough to look like I'm still giving my all to Jesus, while still maintaining some control of my actions, words and thought life'. I have done too much talking. I want to go back to letting Jesus do it.
So that is my pray for this year... I was tempted to call it my new years resolution, but then we'd be right back to what I am going to do. So my pray for this new year is... that He might increase and I might decrease. That I will go with Him wherever He wants me to. That I will do less talking to others and more walking and talking with Him. I pray that I might do all this through Christ Jesus who strengthens me!

NOW... Here's to an exciting AD 2010... and the rememberence that it is THE YEAR OF OUR LORD...