I think, scratch that, I KNOW I ask the wrong question... I'm always wondering what next... God where would you have me go? What would you have me do? Where will I be? Who will I be next year?
I don't ask, "How NOW should I live?"
I know, I know... "Don't worry about tomorrow, tomorrow will take care of itself." But really, who listens to that advice?? If you do, I think we should talk because I really need to know how to do it.
I spend so much time thinking up goals and visions and plans of action and the next thing, the best thing, what to learn, what to devote myself to in the future.... I do that and I keep missing the blessing of today. Inevitably these dreams don't all come to fruition.
Today I was thinking a bit about plans/dreams I have had for the future that seem at the moment to have been torn asunder and I started to feel the old familiar melancholy... that self pitying sadness that comes from dashed hopes. It totally put a damper on the beautiful day that I have had. I have friends that have come all the way from Germany to see me!! Unbelievable! we saw so much, laughed our heads off... have made memories to last a lifetime and I began to feel sad because momentarily the future looked bleak. How horrible is that. I think it's horrible that I let my joy be stolen by things that are so uncertain... things that weren't even real.
Ridiculous!! I am ridiculous!
I know I need to change the question. Not what next God, but what NOW? How now should I live? In this moment, who should I give my time, who should I offer my heart, my abilities (such as they are), who should I offer my service? Where should I keep my thoughts? In this very moment how do I live to make it the fullest life, the most abundant life I can have?
"I have come that you might have life and have it to the full!"
2 comments:
You're so beautiful, Grace. I love you.
This was awesome. Kier, Carmen and I were talking about the exact same thing about a month ago. It seems so hard to be in the present time living the present day out.
That we are always looking forward. Carmen was saying that she wished that she could do this as well, that we and I say we because I do the same, that we can't wait for work to be over and then the next day turns into the next week and next months... I can't wait for school and then to be done school... to start a family... to be retired... you get the point...
I guess what I am trying to say is thank you for such encouraging words, I know I need to be reminded probably everyday to see how God would use me in the moments of here and now...
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