Inspired by Michael's blog... he writes:
"Today I thought about my family, how we're all growing older and life is leaning on us. Life seems like an obstacle course and if you're lucky you can side-step or duck under illness or tragedy, but sooner or later it will get someone you love, if not you yourself and the pain will be torture just the same."
For some reason I thought about this a lot today. Today life seems a bit fickle. Like it promises something and then just when you feel secure in it the bottom drops out on the dream. Or just when you think relationships are secure something happens to alter it... maybe illness, maybe miscommunication, maybe death or the threat of it, or just a move. Things are never as secure as we want them to be.
I know I can hate the idea of committing... but I love the idea of security. I bet that seems a bit oxymoronic :D
but really... I long for security... I want definites and assurances and yes to mean yes and no to mean no. Which is probably why I am not quick to make promises... instead I feel secure in definite maybes. LOL
Sadly... for the most part everyone else also wants security, possibly promised by you, without the need for a personal commitment.
Anyway.. there it was my thought process today - and as I was thinking about all this I realized - I have security, just not in this world, in this life. I know for many faith, and the hope of the life after this is a big question mark - a vague hope... But I have been blessed with this unshakeable faith since I was a child, that God exisits and that by my repentance and my acceptance of the gift of salvation I will live eternally.
So my problem is not with an eternal type insecurity - it is really temporal... and as I sat on a bench just outside Wal*Mart waiting for my brothers I realized... even though there are moments I ache and hurt and long for security in every and all areas of my life... no matter what happens, no matter what "life" throws my way - I really will be alright. I've already been through so much that has caused so much pain and in the midst felt God's love and compassion. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that though these things have the power to injur me, they do not have the power to destroy me. No matter what happens - I'm gonna be alright.
Somehow just thinking like that helps me to not only be braver than I normally am - but to be more content... whether circumstances would dictate it or not :D
2 comments:
wow Greece, i'm feeling a whole [non-alcoholic] cocktail of emotions right now. Flattered and a little proud that you'd quote anything i said, worried and a little guilty that i've depressed you and the whole of cyberspace, naive and a little stupid for expressing my doubts without relying on the facts of my experience with God. thank you for putting me straight. It's cool to see you working through your thought process and coming up rosey.nice work.
nicely written Grace. I['ve gone through a similar thought process since bringing a small child across the ocean into uncertain circumstances. I worry about bad stuff happening, or a worry about being afraid. And like you when I sort all the way through my insecurities I realise that the question I'm really asking is: "Can I trust God?" I know the answer to that one, he is absolutely trustworthy.Even if his plans for us will be less than comfortable, I trust Him. So I have to restack all of my doubts and fears on that fact. And everything will be ok.
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