and I see no bravery, in your eyes only sadness

I love this verse!! "The Lord God is my strength, my personal bravery and my invincible army; He makes my feet like hinds' feet and will make me to walk [not to stand still in terror, but to walk] and make [spiritual] progress upon my high places [of trouble, suffering or responsibilty]!"
My mum was reading it in devotions last night, and I'm so glad to say it's true.
I am SO not a brave person. I've done things that are brave though, at least it took bravery for me - because I knew I could say... "well Father if this is what you want me to do, you must go before me, you must give me the strength, you must fight for me, just like you promised." And he has - I mean I'm still here, alive and kicking after all :D
There are so many things that make me want to stand still in terror - but there is so much freedom and confidence in knowing that the creator of this world IS my invincible army, my bravery exists only in Him. Although I have to say he's also brought people in my life to encourage me to be brave when I'm not, I still step out of my comfort zone holding His hand. So funny, sometimes I feel like I have a choke hold on his hand as if I'll have to drag Him where He doesn't want to go, when usually the thing I'm most afraid of, is the thing He's called me to in the first place... And the reason I'm scared is because I know it's way beyond my natural abilities - His strength being made perfect in my weakness, and all that :D
Anyway... I just thought I'd share this verse today that reminds me... Our Heavenly Father is my strength, my personal bravery, my invincible army. *sigh*, beautiful isn't it??
oh yah - if you're looking for it, it's the last verse in Habakuk (3:19)

Getting Married!

This is my fantastic exroommate SoonHee... (I called you fantastic, and everyone could see that!! :D hope you enjoyed it) She was in Israel for the entire time I was there, we joined around the same time and left around the same time - we were practically inseperable the entire time. People even started to treat us like a couple, weird I know... Well, I am happy to hear that she is getting a new roommote in just 2 short months...


I seriously doubt they could have as much fun rooming together as Soon Hee and I did - but, I guess he is more handsome than I am, so he'll be easier on the eyes in the early morning hours... and at least they are speaking the same language... Although Soon Hee, I just have to say. (Zagia Sarang hae popohejo - na chun ma yepuda!!) AND I do hope that somehow a miracle will happen for me to see you get married in Korea, we'll just have to pray about that. And!!
Ani Ohevet Ota Motek!! Lehitarot!!
AND for good measure "Na erumee moya??" hahahahaha

Why is This Thus? What is the Reason for This Thusness??

Family Portrait number 2 - please don't hate me for this Joybells :D

Miracle on the third floor

Last night my friend had a baby. I was with her just moments before, and saw her again this morning. Last night there was a little human being inside of her and today he's here - breathing the same air and looking at me with large, newborn baby blue-grey eyes. I could shake his hand and say hello, and he could feel my finger on his face. I was just overwhelmed with how amazing that is (although I played it cool while there of course. LOL). It is a miracle that happens everyday - God breaths life and sustains life by his word- just like He says He does in the gospel of John. Good news.

A Sinner in Lambs Clothing

Sometimes I wonder why I'm so faithless when I am looking for answers to prayer... I know "amount of faith" isn't really the problem, but who I'm placing my faith in... I realize the reason I struggle is still my lack of understanding about who God is and how I appear to him because of Christ.
I was finishing reading the book of John the other day, and I thought I would switch to the Contemporary English version for a bit of a twist on an old favorite :D
and I found these verses... that just popped out at me!
John 14:17 "The Spirit will show you what is true..." and 14:26 "... The Spirit will teach you everything..." and here's a bigger chunk of bread - John 15:5-7 "I am the vine and you are the branches. If you stayed joined to me, and I stayed joined to you then you will produce lots of fruit. But you cannot do anything without me. If you don't stayed joined to me, you will be thrown away. You will be like dry branches that are gathered up and burned in a fire. Stay joined to me and let my teachings become a part of you. Then you can pray for whatever you want, and your prayer will be answered." !!!!
For some reason this part just stood out and took hold of me for a while. I think it says somewhere else "you can ask anything in my name."
I got to thinking about times when I've asked someone to ask for something for me because I thought I would be rejected and they wouldn't - because they had some sort of in with the person in power. And it struck me, that the reason I doubt is because I think - why would God really want to grant that request for me??? what does it do for Him?? Who am I to ask it??

When you're asking something in Jesus name it's like asking on his behest. His life being so intertwined with your own, your request "in His name" is the same as Jesus coming to the Father to ask that very thing. This is where faith can take flight. I don't always believe that God will answer yes to my request. For whatever faithless reason I have at the time - I just don't... BUT I do believe that the Father would answer a request of Jesus -almost always in the affirmative (not "take this cup from me"... but generally it's yes... look at all the healings and the calming of the storm etc.) And He definitely always answered clearly and quickly. So there would be no question of what His answer is. So with confidence I can come before the throne, knowing I do so covered in the robes of righteousness, clothed with Christ himself! With that confidence my faith can increase exponentially.
What I have requested WILL be answered. I am absolutely of my own accord undeserving - but I don't ask - Christ asks for me! ...or at least, I ask with Him vouching for me. The other key bit - and the other thing I struggel with is - am I asking it in God's will or just my own - thats where the "Stay joined to me and let my teachings become a part of you" comes in... if I am letting the Holy Spirit lead and teach me I can absolutely trust that he will lead my prayer life also... I will pray in his will, the desires of my heart concieved originally in His.
That is my newest LIFE lesson. Well second newest I had quite the day of learning yesterday :D

Family Portrait

Shoulda coula woulda

Your Eyes Should Be Brown

Your eyes reflect: Depth and wisdom What's hidden behind your eyes: A tender heart

What Color Should Your Eyes Be?

Funny thing is I've always wanted brown eyes like my mums... no such luck though.

Why I like apples, movies and of course tulips...

1.)DELICIOUS

2.)I am easily entertained


3.) Absolutely beautiful

Simple I know....

Pity the Fool

So I have been thinking a bit about pity lately... Probably because for me it's an easy emotion - not that I necessarily do anything about it, but I can easily feel pity. I have been reading "the Great Divorce" again, and noticed something that I obviously hadn't the first time (although how can I be sure I read it first almost 10 years ago)... here's a little quote.I'll translate to more modern english for those of you who hate thees and thous and ye's
"But can a person dare say that pity must ever die?""You must distinguish. The action of Pity will live forever; but the passion of Pity will not. The Passion of Pity, the pity we merely suffer, the ache that draws men to concede what should not be conceded and to flatter when they should speak truth, the pity that has cheated many a woman out of her virginity and many a statesman out of his honesty - that will die. It was used as a weapon by bad men against good ones: their weapon will be broken"

It's made me think of times I have willingly flattered out of pity instead of truth. Or shown kindness to someone who was really manipulating with pity. The outcome in the end being disgust and a loathing of that person. Even knowing that they were using pity as a manipulation I allowed myself to be manipulated. I think because it seemed like in order to love you must.

But that seems so naive now. It wasn't love... it was pride. I wanted to be looked on as kind or responsible or freindly or good. It was me worrying about my own reputation that down deep allowed that manipulation. How much kinder to speak the truth in love. To refuse the manipulation in favor of being able to actually love the person later, and not be hemmed in and controlled by them. I think I can still be a sucker to emotional manipulation, because sadly sometimes a love for a person and a love of reputation can keep me from taking a tougher less desirable role.Anyway... I'm still just mulling all this over. Maybe you have it all figured out. The whole turning the first moment of pity into positive action guided by the Holy Spirit. If so tell me how - there has to be some magical formula to all this, that will make me have the compassionate heart of God without being a willing victim of a perverted Pity. lol.