I had been taking a walk with a friend at Caperwray and we were praying together... and as we were -I know this will sound corny - it was as if God wanted to make very clear how he saw me at that moment, so he gave me "a picture" as they say... (who are they? I leave that to your imagination.)
In my minds eye, I saw very clearly a rough stone on a potters wheel that was spinning hard and fast. The potter had his hands firmly on the stone as if it were moldable clay, chunks of rock were flying off and hitting the potter and his hand were completely cut up and raw... bleeding all over it. I knew that rock was me. There were incredibly painful things happening in my life just then, and in order to protect myself I had become hard. I tried to go it alone. The thing was, the potter was still molding a shaping me whether I wanted it or not and it was at his expense. The rock was taking shape and becoming what it was supposed to be, and the potter was the one suffering. The potter was the one bleeding. I could see it hurt. He was absolutley willing to carry on though because (#1) he was strong enough to take it, and (B) knew it was important to do the shaping right then and there.
I have to say... it threw me for a bit of a loop and I told my friend (Jenni - who is lovely and kind and good and loves God so much as those of you Capernwrayers know) about it. Funny thing is - it resonated with her too. We both repented of our hard heartedness that hurts God, and thanked and praised him that despite this he was shaping us and making us into the women He wants us to be. We prayed that we would be more like clay and less like granite. I think I need to keep praying that. Life doesn't get easier does it? There are parts that are beautiful, but even in the midst of those there are trials. There have been things this year that have been so painful, and it is so tempting to try and "be strong" and just get through it. But whenever I try that, I grow hard. I find it harder to love others and be a servant, I know absolutely the times that although hard God in His mercy has helped me to remain moldable, and in the midst I have been joyful and others focused. Hopefully in those times friends and family will have had no idea unless I told them with words, the hurt that was happening. I hope that in those times the deeper joy and peace that I have known was outwardly visible.
Oh Father make me like putty in your hands :D
7 comments:
Grace E,
I was talking with my good friend tonight and we were both commenting on similar situations. This is such a small world, yet we sometimes allow our experiences to isolate us. Truth and kindness have a great way of bridging those moments.
So soon, there may be a whole bunch more women blogging on these subjects. Thanks for being so honest!!
love this quote - Thanks Lizzy
C.S. Lewis talks about this in his book, The Problem of Pain. Lewis says our definition of love is wrong; we talk about a loving God, but what we really want when we say that is a senile, grandfatherly kind of God, "whose plan for the universe was simply that it might be truly said at the end of each day, 'a good time was had by all.'" Lewis goes on to explain that God's love is truer and fiercer than that — the kind of love a supreme artist lavishes on His ultimate creation, a creation that He wants to mold and shape into the image of Christ.
Your "picture" also resonates with me. Everyday I see something that I know needs to be worked on, and I just ignore it more often than not because it's easier for me. Thank you for helping me see what that does to those around me, specifically the One who cares most of all.
Grace,
I need to write you an email soon. Until then I say this. Thanks for your thoughts and sharing. It's hard to beileve that God would /is going through that to make me into something. I have ahrad time thing that this life is a process that is going to result in somthing not just good but wonderful. I guess that's why he's God make something out of little old me.
Court, yes... email! I'm so curious how things arew ith you and you haven't really been blogging it, so... EMAIL away!
Grace, you are awesome! This is very true in a lot of our lives, mine included. I hope you are doing well. I am planning on coming back to Alberta this summer for the Stampede again... maybe I will see you this time? And I promise to blog soon, and by soon I mean tomorrow... maybe even tonight, so watch out... Off to class now
Yay! Danny!! I mised you, glad you're back! I will swing on by right away!!
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